By Shannon Primicerio

It’s not just dating relationships that can break your heart. Sometimes it’s the almost dating relationships that hurt worse. You know the ones I’m talking about. You have this friend—or at least you call yourselves friends—you talk to him on the phone for hours, you let him pay when you guys go out. You flirt with each other. Go everywhere together—perhaps you even go as far as calling yourselves “best friends”—and then one day the relationship is just over.

No explanation, no warning. It’s just gone. And you are left feeling used, confused and broken hearted. It happens to guys and girls alike. Chances are all of us have been on at least one side of an un-dating relationship, or we know someone who has.

The difference between dating and un-dating is found in having clearly defined intentions. Un-dating relationships usually happen quickly. You suddenly find yourself with instant feelings for one of your friends. But there never seems to be a point that can later be classified as the moment things began to change.

“Well, it just sort of happened,” most people will say. But the primary danger of being in a relationship with no definitive starting point is that there usually isn’t a definitive ending point either. That’s why these relationships simply dissolve without warning and sometimes even without words. Suddenly one person stops calling, or the other suddenly seems too busy. It’s an unofficial break-up for an un-official couple.

This can be devastating. Because two people who are “just friends” usually seem to have the same mutual friends, and now those friends are forced to choose sides or someone (usually the one who got dumped) gets left out.  These blurred friendships can also lead to strained relationships with your parents. I received an email from a girl explaining her situation:

I have a really great friend named Rick. We’re the best of friends and even dated a little, it wasn’t exactly dating it was just being extremely close best friends. I’m not allowed to date until I’m seventeen and I respected my parents for that decision, but apparently not enough. They thought I was going over the limits and deceiving them when I started to talk to Rick more than usual. We text messaged each other and said ‘I love you’ to each other but just as friends realizing since we are young we can’t really have those stronger feelings quite yet…

[My parents thought] I was deceiving them about me and Rick’s relationship and [they] really flipped out and cut off all contact. For a while I wasn’t able to talk to any of my friends, I was fine with that, but now they are grounding me from youth rallies and Bible camp…

I feel horrible about the separation and have secretly been keeping some slight contact with him so that he doesn’t think I’ve dropped him completely and so that he knows I’m still his friend. I don’t know what to do though…

Don’t get me wrong. My heart broke for this girl. But her first mistake was made in the opening line of her email: “We’re the best of friends and even dated a little, it wasn’t exactly dating it was just being extremely close best friends.”

You’re either dating or you’re not. There is no in between. People who think there is always get their hearts broken. This week we’ll talk about how to have clearly defined relationships so you are never left wondering if you’re just friends or something more.

An author of ten books, Shannon Primicerio teaches teenage girls how to apply the Bible to the drama of real life and read it like it's God's love letter to them. By helping girls establish intimacy with Christ, she puts them on a path that will ensure they will still be walking with Him long after high school and college. Her books and conferences provide:

*Guidance and structure for how to have a daily quiet time

*Strategies for battling peer pressure in areas like dating, purity and friendship

*Insight on how to see yourself as the beautiful treasure you are

*Direction on how to find your purpose and live your passion for the glory of God

You can learn more about Shannon at www.beingagirlbooks.com